Posted in Ramblings of a Single Dad

5 Months Today

After months of a difficult pregnancy Samuel was born into this world 5 months ago today. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his throat 6 times, and it is only by the blessing of God that he wasn’t still born.

I am so very thankful that he is alive and well, and the Lord saw it fit for him to live with me.

Changes to life

His entire existence has changed my life dramatically. My soon to be ex, and I found out about him while we were separated in 2012. She had run off to Texas to be with another man. The separation was really my idea, but I never expected her to take off to Texas. We argued all the time, and she wouldn’t take care of the kids or the home. I was angry all the time because I had to deal with her shenanigans. I had been trying to work on saving our marriage, but she grew more and more distant because she was talking to this guy she met on World of Warcraft all night after I went to bed and during the day when I wasn’t at home. It is no wonder she had no patience to deal with Kenneth and could only respond to him by yelling at him.

She abandoned Kenny & Chloe to my care during this time. She didn’t call or write; I had to convince her to do so. God used my pastor to break my anger and made me realize that I needed to work through our marital issues with his help.

Shortly after she arrived down there we discovered that she was pregnant. She didn’t want to believe it, but she was. I still felt convicted that we needed to work on our marriage and ourselves and work towards restoring our marriage and focusing on what God intended for marriage from the beginning.

After almost 2 months of being gone, she finally decided that she could trust me enough to come home. I had been seeking the help of a marital counselor, and we both started going together. My ex refused to talk about anything that happened down in Texas and wouldn’t admit to anything I suspected to be true. She never confessed her affair, or even where she had really been staying. She claimed she was staying with her sister, who incidentally doesn’t live in Texas, but I found out recently from a different one of her friends that she had been staying with this guy and was talking about buying a home with him and living with him and raising the baby. Any time I would bring up what happened in Texas and that I needed to know if Samuel was mine or not she would threaten to have an abortion of the baby.

Anyhow, a part of our agreement was that she wouldn’t have any contact with this individual, and we would both give up the internet and have monitoring for pornography and such on our phones. I later discovered that she had a secret facebook account and was still speaking to all of these individuals that we both agreed that she would no longer speak to for the sake of our marriage.

The pregnancy was riddled with early labor and hospital visits. It wasn’t a very pleasant pregnancy, and she was stuck on bed rest for several weeks of it.

Throughout the entire pregnancy I worked to genuinely forgive her of everything that I suspected that she had done, on top of everything that she had really done. I came to accept the fact that I wouldn’t ever really know what happened during that time in Texas, and I was going to have to trust God. In the Bible it instructs us to forgive as we have been forgiven. I have been such a sinner my whole life, I had no option except to forgive. Forgiving her of all of that was a very freeing experience for me. I no longer harbored anger or ill will towards my ex. If it weren’t for the power of Christ in my life, I never would have forgiven her or even attempted to reconcile our marriage.

Eventually God gave me the piece that I was going to raise Samuel as my own, even if he wasn’t biologically mine. When he was born my heart grew more than I ever thought possible. I loved that little boy, and felt so blessed that God brought him into my life.

After Birth

After we brought Sammy home life was different, there was a little one around and Kenny & Chloe weren’t sure of what to do. My ex was checked out and I took care of Sammy most of the time that I was home. I didn’t mind I loved that little boy so very very much. He loved when I held him, and if he fell asleep next to his mom, he would always turn his head and look at me before he fell asleep.

I did everything in my power to be the best dad for my children I could be. I know that I made a lot of mistakes, but there is nothing that I enjoy more than being a daddy.

The second separation

The Wednesday before Good Friday, I woke up in the morning and my Ex was already up and about hustling and bustling. It didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time because she was never a morning person. She had me clean Sammy up in the shower when I took my shower in the morning. This wasn’t really abnormal, but the rest of her behavior was weird. I came out of the shower and was told the kids had already left for the bus. I go to work like any other day, but I came home to a completely vacant home. All of Sammy’s stuff was missing, his swing, his bed, his stroller, everything that was important to him was gone. Later I find a note that she took the kids with her because she didn’t want to put them through what she did the year before. This was an immediate hint that she had left with the man she had an affair with the year before.

After several days of working with the police I received a court order, ordering the return of all 3 of my children to me in Michigan. It took several more days to get the children back. (If you would like to know more read my earlier blog postings.) After coming home with my older 2 children it took another 6-7 weeks to get Samuel back from her.

The new home life

After the kids finished the school year we moved over to where my family lives. They have been a blessing to have throughout this entire ordeal. Without all of their love and support I would not have my children right now, and my life would be very different.

Working with Sammy has been testing at times, but I am very happy to have him. He is my son, biologically and legally, and I love him very much. Kenny & Chloe are big helpers and both love their little brother very very much. I am so proud of the two of them for being such wonderful children.

I have unsuccessfully tried to date. I have a ton of betrayal issues that I have to work through before I can honestly say I am ready to be in anything overly serious with anyone. I may have ruined a good friendship because of that, here is to praying that God will heal that. I am in the process of looking for some affordable counseling to help me deal with this relational issues I will have. I want Him to be the center of my next relationship. I know that I will remarry some day because I am not the type of person to remain alone.  It will be awhile though.

Beyond that I work and take care of the kids. I don’t lead a very eventful life, and I spend my time working, taking care of the kids, and cleaning.

Sammy is 5 months old today.

He is rolling over, getting good with using his hands, and while be crawling/sititng up soon. We are taking bets as to which will come first.



I'm just a man trying to find my place in this world. Walking through emotions and pain trying to become a more Godly man.