As many of you know my ex-wife and I split up over a year ago when she took off with the kids. It was a very devastating time in my life and has led to some major changes in my life; the biggest of which is being a single dad of 3 wonderful kiddos.
Anyhow, when people get married their stuff becomes intertwined. Your stuff and their stuff becomes “our stuff”. When you get divorced more often than not one party moves out and the other stays. The one that leaves tends to take very little and the one that stays tends to end up with the “our stuff”.
This is the way it happened in my divorce. In the divorce decree it was ordered that the debts go with the person that they belonged to, but the stuff was granted to whomever it was in possession of. Needless to say I ended up with the “our stuff” stack because I was the one who stayed.
I made a post over a year ago about cleaning out my storage unit. That got rid of a ton of the “our stuff” stack before the divorce was even finalized. However, I moved to be closer to the family and a lot of the stuff that was left in the shed, or in the house was shoved into bins or boxes and stored away. My shed is currently full of this kind of stuff. I have no idea what is out there, and what kind of surprises I may find.
This evening I was going through a bin that was hastily thrown together and I came across some of “our stuff”. Lots of little garbage papers and old bills, an old copy of my ex’s state ID, and a bunch of unsent thank you letters, Christmas cards, and birthday cards. My ex was the one who mailed all of this stuff out, and it bothers me that they were never sent as there were perfectly good forever stamps on them that will never be used now. However, that is beside the point. I opened up the cards to see what was in there, and make certain there wasn’t any gift cards or money in them before tossing them into the destroy pile.
It seems like every time I find things like this I learn a little bit more of a lie from my ex-wife. In this case I found thank you letters for gifts for Sammy. There were a few, but these are stark examples of the kind of things she was lying to people about.
The thank you card to my mom read:
“We wanted to send thanks to you for your Gift, to Samuel. –With Lots of love & appreciation ….” And then the names at the end of the card.
To her mom she wrote:
Thank-you for the Beautiful gifts you got James. They are Greatly Appreciated. I look forward to you meeting James when we move down to Louiville. I Cannot wait to move closer to you and the Family.” – Signed with just her name.
There are a few things that I’d like to note. First off I used all of her punctuation and capitalization, even though it was painful for me to do. Second there was a ton more thought put into the card for her mom than the one for mine. Third, notice the different names for the same child.
When I retrieved the older kids from her in Texas I was unable to get Samuel because she told everyone, including the police, that his name was James. The police wouldn’t take him from her and return him to me because I lacked the proof to substantiate my claim, even though they knew it was the same child. I’m not complaining that I didn’t get Sammy back then, God used it in my life to give me time to prep for him, and to give me time to work with Kenny and Chloe to deal with their emotions.
Anyhow, my point is it shows that she lied to me, and to her family for the entire pregnancy. She wanted to name him after her grandfather, but I wouldn’t do that because of the things she said happened because of him while she was a child. At this point I doubt the truth in those stories as well.
When you find out lies that a spouse or a partner has been telling you, and you start pulling the thread you find out more and more lies. Some people cannot live their lives without making someone feel sorry for them. When I met my ex, I had to “rescue” her from her family, but I often wonder if it was more of a trap for me. I love my kids dearly, but there are times I wonder how my life would be different if I wouldn’t have tied myself down with her.