I know it has been awhile since I really posted anything on here. I’ve been lazy, I’ve been busy, life goes on. I could come up with a million excuses, but quite simply I haven’t done very well on getting to the healthy part.
When I started this blog I was so excited to lose weight. I did decent too. I lost 30 or 40 pounds, and I felt fantastic. Then life changed, I had a new job, a girl I was dating, and things got out of hand. I started slipping and falling into old habits.
Well I am here now, up over 360 pounds. I feel terrible, and I just have no energy. My stomach and guts are in a mess and I cannot seem to get myself motivated to really gain any traction.
I work really hard, and I push myself to the point that I am exhausted in the afternoon and its all I can do to not fall asleep and take a nap. I bought a house and have been doing lots of work on it, but only a couple hours on the weekends. By the end of those days I am just demolished. I normally end up taking a nap mid to late afternoon so I can function in the evening.
I started Herbalife again, but haven’t been able to go at the plan like I used to. I just have not had the zeal for it I used to.
What I am about to say is probably the most difficult thing that I have ever said to anyone, let alone the whole internet in my entire life.
I am addicted to food. I buy food and eat it and never tell a sole about it. After all, its just one candy bar, or one soda right? Well that one leads to two, to three, and beyond. I think I may also suffer some from binge eating. Why else could I devour a whole pizza? Its not that I want to eat that much, but I just have difficult resisting that next slice, and by the time I know it more than half the pizza is gone.
I cannot keep living like this. It is going to kill me, and it is going to kill me young.
To that end, the announcement that I promised the other day that I would make. I have decided to get bariatric surgery. I am more than likely going to go with the gastric sleeve, but I may end up going with the bypass depending on what my discussion with the doctor yields.
This is a very difficult thing for me. The surgery isn’t going to make me thin, its a tool to help me break my addictions.
I am tired of being fat, sick, and tired. God only knows what other medical problems I have that I don’t know about. Diabetes? Sleep Apnea? Clogged arteries? IBS? Celiac disease? I have been to afraid to ask and find out. I’ve been able to pretend I’m well, but I’m honestly not.
I am afraid that I won’t live until I’m 40 if I don’t do something about this now. It scares me to think of leaving my kids behind because I couldn’t admit to my problem.
So here I am, taking my first true step. I am admitting that I have a problem and I just cannot solve it on my own.
Thanks for spending the time to read this,