Posted in Blog Posts, Debt-Free Journey, Ramblings

Tipping Point

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The Meriam-Webster dictionary defines a tipping point as “the critical point in a situation, process, or system beyond which a significant and often unstoppable effect or change takes place.”

In life, there are a lot of tipping points, when to end relationships, when you find a new job, when saying no to that cupcake is easier than it was the last time. When we reach a tipping point with something we often make changes in our lives.

I’ve been on the debt reduction journey for a few weeks now, and I have paid off almost $3,000. It involved selling somethings that I didn’t want to sell, but they were holding me back from being the person that I need to be.

So, to back up a few steps, for the last few years God has been working on my heart about collecting way too many things. In my case electronics, mostly. I would feel convicted when I would read about believers selling their things and giving to their brothers and sisters in need.  Then from time to time I would catch a Dave Ramsey program on the radio or hear about how someone would donate this, or donate that.

I always thought that is nice, but I’m a single dad and there is no way I could ever afford to do those types of things. I was barely getting by, or at least so I thought.

As I’ve come to study the Bible more, I have become more convinced that the way I was living was wrong. When I would read about tithing, I would tell myself that’s not for me. I am barely getting by.

Recently, at church, they did a 3-part sermon series on giving. It was all stuff I had heard before, but God had been working on building up a tipping point. Then to top that off my girlfriend is a saver, but she is also extremely generous. God used her to show me what it is like to be able to give without worrying about the money.

God used all those things to really break me, and start opening my heart to doing things his way. I had started all of this, and worked out the details of my debt when a couple of weekends ago, God really broke me on Sunday at church.

One of the church member’s sons had had a heart transplant and wasn’t doing well. The father couldn’t afford to be off work and had to come home and be separate from his son, while his son was in bed in a coma. There was no way he could know if his son would live or die. God really laid it heavily on my heart that I should be able to provide a weeks’ worth of pay for this man so he could go and be with his son.

It broke me. I had to tell God no. I didn’t have the funds to be able to do this. For all the faith I speak of having, I didn’t have the faith to say, “Yes Lord”. It really has been devastating on my heart.

God has done so much for me. He has changed my life for the better in so many amazing ways, and I had the audacity to not trust him to say “Yes” to his prompting.

This realization has been my tipping point. With all that God has taught me, and all that he has walked through with me; I cannot bear the thought of saying “No” to God again.

From this point forward, I will do my best to strive and say, “Yes Lord, I trust you” whenever I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit.

Posted in Blog Posts, Ramblings

A look back to a marriage lost

My youngest turned four on Sunday, and it really made me stop and reflect on the ways that my life has changed.

Five years ago my now ex-wife was having an affair with a man that was her guildmate on World of Warcaft. I’m not certain of all the symantics and lies she told him, but needless to say it wasn’t pretty.

We fought all of the time. She was a slob, and very lazy. I later discovered she didn’t do anything all day because she was sleeping. She had been staying up all night talking to this guy halfway across the country.

In June she tried to get me to hit her by yelling at me and spitting in my face, etc. I ended up saying I just couldn’t fight anymore and our marriage was over.

So she left and took off to her “sisters” in Texas. Needless to say she had just run off to be with this guy she had been talking to online. Shortly after she got down there she discovered she was pregnant. My pastor had also been working on my heart about what the right thing to do was.

So I “convinced” her to come back home. Saving my marriage is what God would want me to do. Coincidentally, I still stand by that this was the right thing for me to do. It allowed me to learn how to truly forgive and make amends. I wouldn’t be who I am now without making that decision.

We received some marital counseling, but we couldn’t ever talk about what she did in Texas. If I tried she would threaten to have an abortion. This was unacceptable to me, so I never did bring it up.

I became a better and much calmer person. When I discovered the affair on her way down to Texas the first time I had went into a fit of rage. God used my pastor to shatter me though. I don’t really have the capacity to stay angry at anyone anymore. It only hurts myself.

So fast forward to February 18, 2013 and here comes our youngest son. I thought our marriage had been restored and everything was swell, but it wasn’t. 6 weeks later she took off with the kids and it was a whole nightmare scenario.

Feel free to check out this post to find out about my pre-divorce attempt at marriage restoration. https://nerdychristian.com/2012/11/20/where-to-begin/

And this post for a more in depth description of what happened:

https://nerdychristian.com/2014/08/08/remnants-of-marriage-and-the-evidence-of-lies/

 

I’ve dated some since the divorce, but nothing has ever really been lasting. The first couple were based off of not wanting to be alone. The subsequent ones I don’t honestly know that I was ever able to trust them enough to be in a good and healthy relationship with them.

There was one girl I went out on a single date with, and it pretty much wrecked me when she stopped responding to me. I was really insecure with myself and was not in a position to have a relationship.

There will be a second part to this post so stay tuned for that.

Posted in Blog Posts

How Not to Be Your Own Worst Enemy

This is pretty accurate.

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

When my writing first left the relative safety of WordPress for the great untamed wilds of The Huffington Post, I was elated. The first post hit big and I eagerly sat down that afternoon to read through the rapidly appearing comments.

And for every comment that made me feel good about myself or sorry for someone else, there were two that seemed to be personal attacks. Soon, the excitement I felt about being published was replaced with a sense of discomfort and malaise.

Yet I kept reading. For months, I dutifully read every comment, every review. I carefully weighed each criticism as though it was coming from a known and trusted source.I tried to answer each barbed question and address each complaint. I grew increasing anxious and melancholy.

And then finally there was one comment that broke me open. A stranger claimed that my ex was right to do what…

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